


I know not why I worry

by Maegfen



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fill, With a couple of canon adjustments, post S1, uss archangels tumblr fic exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 18:29:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14243241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maegfen/pseuds/Maegfen
Summary: Prompt fill for @thousand-miless on tumblr for the USS Archangel fic exchange.Lorca gets injured and Michael tries to deal with it all...(More prompt details within...)





	I know not why I worry

**Author's Note:**

> So as part of the USS Archangel fic exchange on tumblr I got @thousand-miless as my recipient. The prompt I wrote for them was: Lorca gets injured. Michael is surprised by how worried she is. Instead of dealing with it she hides. A confrontation follows.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, and if you get the opportunity, you should definitely read all of the other fic that came as a result, they've been excellent!

 

With the exception of a few hurried movements and some barely contained whispers in small alcoves of the corridors, there was little to indicate that anything was different aboard the USS Discovery. The ship was holding its position 12 light years from the nearest planet, home to a small population of a relatively unknown race that had links to the new, united Klingon empire. The crew were recovering and analysing the results of the latest mission, the same mission that was supposed to have been simple and inconsequential in the grand scheme of the post-war Federation.

However things, Michael had learned swiftly, rarely went completely to plan.

The comms badge pinned to her chest chirped again, but Michael continued to ignore it as she rushed through the dark corridors, avoiding eye contact with all of the other crew members she passed. News of the incident had spread like wildfire through the ship, although Michael had been on the bridge to hear the mayday call first hand. Six members of the crew had traveled down to the planet for the diplomatic mission, and while six had returned, there was a strong possibility that one of the number would succumb to his injuries.

As Michael walked through the corridor, determined not to break into anything that could be considered a run, her mind raced back to the last time she had been summoned by her captain to the medical bay. It had been, she finally decided, the day that they had intercepted the Enterprise; the day they had received their latest prisoner.

That had been 8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days ago.

8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days since their so called victory on Qo’noS, since they intercepted the Enterprise, since her brother had informed her that someone had followed Discovery back from their trip into the alternate universe.

It had been 8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days since Gabriel Lorca had reappeared in her life.

Ever since then Michael had felt off kilter, the balance she had fought so hard to maintain following her reinstatement to Starfleet gone in an instant.

Lorca was, thankfully, no longer a captain; the Federation had seen to that. But the survival of Gabriel Lorca had thrown a proverbial spanner in the works at Starfleet Command and there were inevitable repercussions. It was, after all, impossible to explain his absence from the Qo’noS mission without casting aspersions on his character and his leadership, as well as that of all the higher ups involved. So Lorca had been ‘demoted’ under the pretense of going temporarily MIA from Discovery during its time of need and was now under the watchful eye of those he had once commanded.

Cornwell had washed her hands of the whole thing, leaving Lorca in the capable hands of Discovery’s new captain, and the professionalism of its crew.

Michael was pulled from her thoughts as she turned the corner and finally approached the door to Sick Bay. She took a breath, then two, in an attempt to stir up the courage to enter.  _It was ridiculous_ , she thought,  _that he could still have an effect on her._

Her resolve somewhat settled, Michael walked towards the door and entered.

Lorca was asleep when she made her way through the door. He was laid out on the medical bed, chest bare and exposed with nothing but a large bandage covering a majority of his side. Michael let out a sigh she had not realized she had been holding and watched from the doorway.

“He will be unconscious for some time,” a voice behind her uttered, the familiar tone enough to cause Michael’s shoulders to sag in relief that no one else would be questioning her presence there. “He is in a coma.”

“Is it medically induced?”

Saru hummed to relay the affirmative.

“It is. The CMO informed me that the Commander was screaming quite loudly before I arrived.” He looked at Lorca, an almost sympathetic look in his eye. “It does not surprise me.”

Michael’s gaze flickered over the man lying prone on the bed once more. If she looked hard enough she could see the telltale red of blood seeping through the bandages on his waist. Her brow furrowed in confusion.

“Could they not heal the wound?”

She turned to look up at Saru, who was now standing to her left. Michael watched as he shook his head while he stared at their former captain.

“They could not; at least not completely. The wound is deep and infected so they are closing it inch by inch as the dead flesh dies off. It will take many hours, possibly even days. He is, I believe, in a great deal of pain.”

 _Good_ , she thought,  _he deserved it._

Michael paused before she spoke once more. She turned and looked up at Saru.

“What happened?”

She did not know why she wished to discover what exactly had happened down on that planet; there should be no reason why Lorca’s injury should have an impact on her life, but there was something lingering in the back of her mind that prevented her from leaving the room without an explanation. The thought of not knowing niggled at her, although Michael could not determine precisely why she felt something akin to concern for the man who had betrayed her.

Saru sighed and gestured towards the man lying on the bed.

“The indigenous tribe were not as receptive to our diplomacy as we were led to believe. There was an altercation between the tribe and the away team. Commander Lorca was the only casualty, receiving a wound from a poisoned blade during the melee. Lieutenant Callaghan informed me that the Commander stepped in front of him in order to protect him from injury.”

“He did?” She had attempted to keep the surprise from her tone, but the look Michael received from her captain proved otherwise. “That comes as a surprise given the Commander’s nature.”

“Indeed.” Saru paused and Michael got the distinct impression that she was being analysed. She was not sure she appreciated it.

“Commander Burnham…” Saru looked down at her again before he continued. “As…  _difficult_ … as the recent months have been, especially with the unusual circumstances that have arisen since our meeting with the Enterprise,” he glanced pointedly at the unconscious man again, “I sincerely believe that Commander Lorca is attempting to make up for his previous misdeeds.”

Michael stared at him incredulously.

“I cannot believe you, of all people, could think that. I mean, after what he did…” Michael stopped herself and frowned, realizing her tone. “Sir.”

Saru ignored her impetuousness and looked at her.

“You forget, Commander, that I have had experience with those who have attempted to, and have been successful at, atoning for their sins.” He gave her a pointed look then his face immediately became softer, more sympathetic. “Sometimes it is difficult to see the similarities between ourselves and others, especially when we feel we have been betrayed… in more ways than one.”

She did not ask for a further explanation; Saru was one of the few who knew of Lorca’s relationship with her other self. She was grateful that he did not press the issue; Michael knew she would not have been able to offer a retort nor explanation if he had.

“I have made accommodations for you Michael,” Saru continued, a newly-determined look on his face. “But there will come a time when you and the Commander must work together for the benefit of those around you. The two of you, despite your… history… are two of the brightest minds on this ship, and as Captain there will be circumstances when I will require both of your council.”

There was nothing else that Michael could say, so she waited for her Captain, her friend, to continue.

“I know it will be trying, but you must learn to trust him again, even if it is in the smallest capacity. Commander Lorca is, unfortunately, destined to remain on the Discovery for the indeterminable future. I would hate to have to see you depart in his place.”

It was not a threat, Michael was well aware of that, but the sudden realization that she could be disposable was enough to quieten Michael to the point where Saru seemingly became concerned. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“You have found yourself in trying times before Commander; I am sure you will find your way out of these as well.”

With that he left, destined for the bridge and the resumption of his duty, leaving Michael alone with her thoughts. Every instinct within her told her to leave, to walk out back into the corridor and continue with her day. But there was something, again, that pulled her back, that played on her mind and prevented Michael from leaving as quickly as she had arrived.

She stood over the unconscious man and watched as his chest rose and fell in time with his breaths, shallow as they were. Michael took the time to really take him in, for she had not had the opportunity nor the inclination to ponder over his appearance since had she first seen him again, huddled in robes and cuffs in the corner of a cell on the Enterprise.

There were more scars littering his body now; the fighting on the ISS Charon had clearly taken its toll, even before his death. She had been unsure if there was a wound on his chest or if his miraculous escape from the mirror universe via the Mycelial network had been enough to heal his body.

Now though, Michael discovered, it was apparent that he would carry the scars of his sins for the rest of his life. A red scar covered his chest, emanating from the middle of his torso near his heart. It was angry and mottled and Michael knew that the scar would surely pull with each movement Lorca took; a constant reminder of how he had perished.

It was not this scar that drew her attention though. Instead, her eyes were drawn to the bandage that covered Lorca’s side, blood still staining the white fabric as he continued to bleed.

_“…the Commander stepped in front of him to protect him…”_

Saru’s words came back to Michael in that moment, as she took a hesitant step forward despite herself.

Michael had no words to explain the feelings she was experiencing. This was Gabriel Lorca, former Captain, current Commander, and Terran refugee. He had betrayed not only her trust but that of Starfleet, of the Federation too. He had returned from a hellish death and had pleaded in front of Cornwell and the Admiralty for a slim chance of redemption. Michael could not bring herself to talk to him, to feel pity at his injuries.

_And yet._

And yet, there was a constant ache in her chest at the memory of his violent death. There was a  _fondness_ at the thought of the times he had fought for her, protected her. There had been a sense of relief and confusion when Spock had revealed the identity of the Enterprise’s prisoner.

She did not know how to confront her feelings, nor the actual man himself. It made having to work at his side surprisingly difficult.

He had been assigned to communications and tactics; a detail he clearly found disdainful in comparison to his previous position of power, but Michael had noticed he had not pressed his luck by asking to be reassigned. He was under the constant watch of at least two members of security when off duty and his whereabouts were constantly monitored when on the bridge. They were the same privileges that had been afforded to Ash when he had broken the connection with Voq.

Despite his obvious frustration at his lack of freedom, Lorca still continued to work hard, ever eager to prove himself to those who had given him a second chance. It frustrated Michael no end. She felt that she was the only one to know what really happened, the only one who understood just how wrong this whole situation was. How could Cornwell and the upper echelons of Starfleet believe that keeping Gabriel Lorca on Discovery rather than in a prison cell was a good idea?

Michael had thus far managed to maintain a distance between them. Saru had, thankfully, been somewhat understanding to her situation, and had therefore attempted to make sure Michael and Lorca worked together as little as possible. Any conversation between them was short and professional, and Michael had made it clear that she wished to have nothing to do with Lorca outside of official duties.

It had been working, and the anger and frustration and guilt she felt when Michael thought of him had started to fade away. He was not special, they had no connection, there was nothing, nothing, that could cause her to give a damn about the man.

Except when she had heard about that ill-fated away mission, when she had heard that Lorca himself had been injured, there had been something that had pulled at her gut, a feeling of regret, of missed opportunities.

That was why she had rushed to Sick Bay, that was why she had lingered after Saru’s departure, that was why her feelings were in tumult.

 

* * *

 

Lorca remained in a coma for the better part of a week. The CMO and his staff worked tirelessly to heal the deep and infected wound that plagued him, while Michael attempted to ignore the multitude of confusing feelings she felt every time her mind wandered to the man lying in Sick Bay.

Her confusion over Lorca became so evident that even Tilly picked up on it.

“It’s okay to feel weird you know,” the Ensign said happily whilst the two of them were eating lunch in the Mess Hall. Michael paused with her fork part way to her mouth, and stared at her friend before carefully setting her food down and speaking.

“I’m sorry?”

“Commander Lorca,” Tilly stated, as if the mention of his name was enough of an explanation. “It’s okay to feel weird about the situation and… you know… your feelings.”

Michael laughed heartily, but somehow it still felt somewhat forced.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Tilly. I feel nothing for that man. Neither should you; he betrayed all of us.”

“But so did Ash, and you forgave him.”

“Ash didn’t try to kill a brutal dictator in order to accede to the throne,” Michael reminded her, but she could tell, through Tilly’s expression, that she wasn’t winning the argument. After a couple of quiet moments, Michael carried on. Tilly waited patiently opposite her.

“I… I am struggling to separate the various facets of my relationship with the Commander in my mind.” She sighed again and looked at her friend. “I trusted him once with my life, but he was so eager to rule the Empire Tilly. He was ruthless, and violent…”

“So was Georgiou, and you saved her _and_ brought her back. You thought she had a chance to be redeemed; why not the Commander?”

“Because I do not understand his motivations anymore,” Michael finally admitted, carefully lowering her voice and avoiding eye contact with Tilly. “I was so sure he wanted my help because of my knowledge and my experience with the Klingons. But now our past is tainted by his…  _relationship_ … with me, the  _other_ me that is, in the other universe. I cannot help but feel that I was merely a replacement for her, rather than him seeing me as my own person.”

Tilly furrowed her eyebrows in thought.

“Have you spoken to him about it? Like, at all? That seems like the best way to clear the air.”

“You know the answer to that,” Michael stated, not wishing for the conversation to carry on any longer than it needed to; she was so tired of trying to figure out her feelings for Lorca that she felt like she was constantly going round in circles.

“I do,” Tilly admitted. “Maybe you should think about having that conversation; you said talking to Ash helped. Maybe talking to the Commander might help you sort through a few things feelings wise.” Michael moved to interrupt, but Tilly held up a finger and soldiered on with her thoughts. “That’s not to say you’ll forgive him straight away, or that you’ll be happy to have lunch with him or you’d want to go on away missions together, but it might help you finally know where you stand.”

Michael didn’t say anything in reply, merely nodded and continued with her lunch, the words of her friend going through her mind.

 

* * *

 

She had not ventured down to Sick Bay since the first time she had seen him unconscious there. Michael tried not to consider her reasons why she had not returned, nor why she was there now.

There was a pull to him that she could not escape. Despite her own internal protestations, the knowledge that Lorca was seriously injured in Sick Bay was enough for her thoughts to wander, to mull over the complicated relationship she had with him.

The CMO nodded at her as she entered, before he waved his hand at the man she was there to see. A privacy shield had been activated around Lorca’s bed, but Michael lowered it and stepped closer to his bedside. Lorca had more colour to him now, and the bandages surrounding his wound were no longer stained with red. Saru had informed her that he would survive, but that it would take him some time to fully recover. Michael had acknowledged the information, but had tried to ignore the implications.

She did not understand why, but Michael suddenly took a deep breath and reached out, fingers drifting slowly towards Lorca, as if by their own accord. Her fingertips brushed the back of his hand as it rested by his side. She shuddered as her skin came in contact with his own.

 _He is so cold_ , she thought, before quickly curling her fingers around his hand completely. It was a repeat of the comforting gesture he had given her on the Shenzou, after Ash had attempted to kill her, after they had made the decision to confront Georgiou. Michael tried to ignore the tingle of sensation at the touch of his skin against hers; it was yet another puzzling thing to be filed away in a bid to forget about it.

Michael held his hand for what felt like a lifetime, but was surely only moments. She knew she should release him, let him continue to sleep, but the pull was there again, the need to see him, to know that he was surviving and recovering more important than that of her own stoicism. Her eyes traced over Lorca, over his scar covered body until it reached his face. He looked… peaceful. It was as if all the torment and trouble his body had been through was non-existent, that he was just a sick man recovering from a minor, inconsequential illness.

His eyes flickered under their lids, until, suddenly they stopped. Michael instinctively went to move her hand away, but Lorca’s grip suddenly tightened; not enough to hurt by any means, but enough to allow the contact between them to temporarily continue.

Michael watched in horror as Lorca took a deep breath and began to pull himself from sleep. His eyes fluttered open, and blinked in the harsh, artificial light of Sick Bay. Michael managed to finally pull her hand away from Lorca’s but it was too late; he must have felt the touch, must have realized someone was there with him.

Then, slowly, his blue eyes met hers.

They widened, clearly shocked at her appearance by his side.

Michael stood and did the only thing she could think of. She ran and she hid.

Her rooms had never been so welcome a sight, and although Tilly was there to ask her what had happened, Michael played it off as feeling unwell and immediately claimed a need for sleep.

 

* * *

 

Thankfully for Michael, Lorca remained confined to Sick Bay, despite having woken up in seemingly good health. The CMO had stated that it would take several days at least for Lorca’s body to be ready to return to duty, and Michael had breathed a visable sigh of relief when Saru had passed on that particular piece of information. She felt ashamed for her actions in Sick Bay - there had been no logical reason for her to have been there, nor for her to have so willingly held Lorca’s hand while he was unconscious. Michael’s feelings and confusion continued to play on her mind, and she dreaded the moment that Lorca would inevitably seek her out.

 

* * *

 

It was, in fact, almost another week until Lorca returned to the Bridge, trailed once again by the two familiar guards, and his movement slow. It was clear that he was still in a great deal of pain. Michael watched Saru turn in his chair and face Lorca.

“Should you be back Commander?”

“Yes sir. The CMO cleared me for duty this morning. I was under the impression you had been made aware.”

The fact that he could refer to Saru as ‘sir’ was a wonder in and of itself, but then, she remembered, Lorca had never treated the Kelpian with anything but respect during his time in the Prime Universe. Michael remained silent, watching the exchange from the corner of her eye.

Saru wandered to the man’s side, looking him over carefully.

“I was made aware, yes. But there is a difference between being cleared for duty and being  _ready_ for duty Commander. Do not feel compelled to start your shift if you will struggle to complete it; it will benefit no one on this ship if you are required to take more time to recover at a later date.”

Lorca’s face broke out with an almost lazy smile, a look that Michael had seen several times before he had revealed his true self.

“Understood Captain, but I feel fine. Sore, and a little uncomfortable, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“Very well.” Saru gestured to the communications console. “Please take your station Commander.”

Lorca didn’t reply, but followed his orders, relieving the young communications officer who had been covering for him at the start of the shift. Michael watched as Lorca took his place and looked over at her. She ignored him and instead, concentrating on her own station, and determined not to let his presence effect her work.

It did not work.

 

* * *

 

Several days had passed as things attempted to return to normal. Commander Lorca settled back into his communications role, while Michael continued to work through new spore drive research.

There was little for the crew to do as Discovery made its way to the nearest Starfleet station to refuel and resupply. Michael was focused intently on refining the information she had received on the local fauna and flora from the ill-fated mission. It was hard to concentrate, however, when it was apparent that Lorca was attempting to glance her way at every possible opportunity. She found it unsettling and distracting, but she knew it was her own fault; her appearance at his bedside at the moment he had awoken must have left him with a huge multitude of questions.

The end of shift eventually arrived and Michael made to leave as soon as the night shift entered the Bridge. Saru, however, clearly had other plans, as he called both Michael and Lorca into his ready room. He quickly waved away Lorca’s security guards who had moved to follow, assuring them that the Commander would return straight to his quarters after their conversation.

Saru stood in front of Michael and Lorca, every bit the Starfleet captain, and looked at both of them in turn.

“I have to admit,” he finally said, “that I am a little disappointed in your conduct recently Commanders.”

Both Michael and Lorca moved to defend themselves, unhappy with the remark. Saru, however, was having no protestations.

“I am not worried about your work ethics nor the standard of work you have completed, but I find myself concerned that the two of you have been distracted whilst performing your duties.”

The two commanders had the good sense to await their Captain’s comments, rather than interject.

“I know that returning to your full duty roster will take some adjustment after your injury,” Saru said to Lorca, “just as I appreciate that it has been a difficult few months Commander,” he continued, now looking at Michael, “but it is evident that there are issues between the two of you that cannot be resolved by simply ignoring each other, nor attempting to goad them into a conversation rather than allowing them to complete their work.”

Michael and Lorca remained silent; there was nothing that they could add that would justify their actions.

“I suggest,” Saru started, watching both of them intently, “that the two of you have a conversation about whatever it is you are concerned about Commander Burnham. I will not have two leading members of my crew at odds. I distinctly remember telling you, Commander, that sometimes we cannot see ourselves in others. Maybe this is the opportunity to take heed of that statement and listen to what Commander Lorca has to say…”

“Sir…”

“Captain…”

Saru ignored them both and instead headed back towards the bridge, pausing only to give them one final statement.

“I will ensure the two of you are not disturbed, but I expect this situation to be resolved by the time you start your next shift. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir…”

Their joint response was seemingly enough for Saru, who quickly left the room and returned to the bridge, leaving the two commanders alone. Michael knew that she would not be the first to speak, how could she be when she had nothing to say to him?

Eventually, after what felt like an age, Lorca spoke up.

“You’re avoiding me.”

It wasn’t a question, merely a statement of fact.

Michael had nowhere to run now, nowhere to hide away and avoid this inevitable conversation. She braced herself, took a breath, and plunged forward into the unknown.

“I am.”

Lorca almost looked relieved at her words, as if her confession, her pronouncement had lightened the load on his shoulders.

Silence lingered between them, nothing but the faint hum of movement on the other side of the door to accompany their conversation..

“Yet you had no issue with staying by my side when I was unconscious.”

She was trapped. There was no logical explanation for her actions, no emotional justification for her place at his bedside, and especially no reason for the way she had been holding his hand. Michael huffed in frustration at having been found out, and decided to fight fire with fire.

“I did not stay at your side Commander. I merely came to check the status of your injury; I wished to know how long Lieutenant Colman would be required to cover your duties.”

Lorca scoffed, clearly not believing a word of her explanation.

“Look, Burnham, I’ve told my fair share of lies to a huge number of people in my lifetime, you know that; there’s no fooling me when it comes to the truth…”

Michael wished to refute him, wished to remind him that he’d been deceived several times since she’d known him. She decided against it when Lorca leaned back against the desk and sighed.

“You can justify it whichever way you see fit Michael, but this,” he said, gesturing between them, “is not working. Despite what you might think, I  _want_ to be on Discovery, I  _want_ to help this crew.”

“So do I, and I cannot do that with you attempting to distract me while I am completing my duties - I have a role on this ship, as do you, Commander.”

“Yeah, I know that. It’s a bit difficult when one of the people I’m supposed to be working with is avoiding me though.”

Michael stopped and watched as Lorca spoke. He looked irritated, although whether he was annoyed at her or the situation Michael wasn’t entirely sure.

“You need to stop hiding,” he suddenly said, frustration evident on his face. “You heard what Saru said; Discovery can’t function properly if the two of us are at odds…”

“I’m not hiding!” She said, watching him move to the other side of his old desk. There were no remnants there now, nothing that indicated that he had ever held a position of power. It looked strange. “I merely wish to carry on with my duties aboard this ship to the best of my abilities. You are not the only one, Commander, who was recently reinstated to Starfleet and to this ship.”

Lorca scoffed again before seemingly calming down and trying a different approach to their conversation. The way he spoke reminded her of the old Lorca, the one who was a Captain and, for all intents and purposes, a good man.

“Look, we had a good working relationship once right? Back before…”

“Before you revealed yourself to be a Terran, a traitor and a tyrant?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “before that.”

Michael realised that this Lorca, the one who lived and died with the lies he told, had never tried to hide from what he had done in that other world.

“I’m trying, okay? They’ve given me another chance and Goddammit if I’m not going to make the best of it. You and Saru, you’ve got to learn to trust me again.”

“I should never have trusted you in the first place!”

Michael was angry now, blood boiling as visions of Lorca’s lies and treachery flitted through her memory. She took a step towards him, finger outstretched and aimed his chest in an act of angry defiance at his casual demeanor. Michael was inches away from touching him when she realised how close she actually was. Wearily, with a sigh, she took a step back.

“Did you mean any of it? Anything at all? Or was it all for show; a charade to get the infamous mutineer on side?”

Michael did not give a context for her comments; Lorca was smart enough to understand her thoughts. 

“Of course I meant it! How could I not?!”

He moved closer then, stepping forward into her personal space. It was not close enough to be uncomfortable, but it was enough to set her on edge. Michael didn’t know whether she wanted him to move closer or move away. She stared at him, determined to speak her mind again.

He moved slightly. Michael thought, for a fleeting second, that he would kiss her, but instead he reached out and took her hand. His fingers were soft on hers, his skin considerably warmer than the last time they had touched. Michael felt a shiver run up her spine as Lorca let one of his fingers slide over the back of her hand; the gesture intimate but somehow not  _enough_ …

Lorca seemed like he wanted to say something, but it seemed he was suddenly lost for words. Michael looked at him, then down at their joined hands. It was too much. Too much after all they’d been through, after all the attempts she’d made to move past her confusing and conflicting feelings.

She suddenly broke the contact and pushed him away.

“Enough,” she whispered, too confused and frustrated to retreat to shouting once again. “Just… enough.”

“Michael,” Lorca said, stepping out of the way as he watched her carefully. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“You keep apologizing,” she retorted immediately, fury on her face and in her voice, “but I never know what it is you’re apologizing for. For betraying me? For betraying the Federation? How about for plotting to kill hundreds of innocents or for pretending to be in love with me?! What is it Gabriel? What are you apologizing for exactly?!”

Michael had never had the courage to speak to him like this, had never dreamed that she would have the opportunity to vocalise everything that had been running through her mind ever since he had revealed his true self in the mirror universe. She hadn’t even realised she had spoken his first name.

Lorca stood in stunned silence, back against the desk and arms suddenly crossed in front of him, a protective barrier against the angry words she threw at him.

“I will never apologize for loving you. That was the one thing I could not, will not lie about. That part of me, my love for her, my feelings for you, they were never pretend.”

“And everything else?” She did not linger on the words he had spoken, lest she say something that she might regret.

“A serious of regrets and mistakes I intend to make up for; however long it takes.”

“That’s the reason why you’re here,” Michael stated simply, “Starfleet…”

“I couldn’t give a damn about the Starfleet and what it thinks!” Lorca raised his voice and stood up straighter. “The only person I want to prove myself to is  _you_.”

She froze.

“I know that nothing I can say will make you believe me, and that’s something I’ll have to come to terms with. But don’t for a second think that I won’t try and win back your trust. I expect nothing from you, nothing at all except the opportunity to make this right.”

Michael took in his words, his posture,  _everything_ about Lorca in that moment. Everything about him seemed sincere, seemed truthful and repentant. She longed to have Sarek by her side, longed to be able to have her father meld with the mind of the man in front of her so that she could actually see if what he said and what he meant were the same thing.

Michael watched as Lorca shifted uncomfortably on his feet, awaiting her reply. A small part of her wished to simply leave him be, to walk out of the room and never look back. But she knew that was never going to be an option.

She finally spoke, looking up at Lorca again. “I do not trust easily, and it is difficult for me to forgive those who have broken that trust.”

“I understand,” Lorca replied quietly. “Like I said, I want nothing but a chance.”

Michael took a deep breath and closed her eyes, attempting to come to a decision. She listened to her head, to her  _heart_ , in an attempt to find guidance, but there was still worry, and confusion, and that niggling feeling that this man meant  _something_  to her; something that would be wasted if she didn’t at least  _try_  to put her trust in him again.

“I… it… it will take time,” she said in the end, mind made up. Michael opened her eyes and sought out his eyes, tried to convey just how hard this was for her to say, “but a chance you shall have.”

Her words were enough for Lorca it seemed, who smiled and nodded.

“Thank you,” he said. He put out his hand and waited. Michael reached out and took it. This thing between them was still broken, still cracked at the seams, but Michael could sense that there was something there, something just out of reach right now that would fix everything once and for all. She had a feeling, just a small one, that the things she felt for the man in front of her would eventually come into play somehow. Michael released Lorca’s hand and took a small step back.

She did not say anything else, just nodded and turned towards the door to the bridge. She had no idea what the future would bring, but she knew that Gabriel Lorca would be woven into her plans as intrinsically as she was in his.

Something about that thought gave Michael just a little bit of peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think; kudos and comments make my day :)


End file.
